To Eat Death or Not to Eat Death?
by PhoenixTear1
Summary: Draco Malfoy is about to join the Deatheaters but Lucius is having second thoughts. Snape remembers a different Lucius. Features a duel romance. Young Lucius & Snape. A Tale of three boys' Rite of Passage *Slash* LM/SS Later DM/HP
1. Tears and Eclairs

To Eat Death or Not to Eat Death? That is the Question. (A tale of three boys' Rite of Passage)  
  
Pen Name: PhoenixTear  
  
Email: PhoenixTear2003@yahoo.com  
  
Category: Romance/Humor (Slash)  
  
Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, don't imply.  
  
Pairing: Lucius/Severus Snape and Harry/Draco  
  
Prologue: An Appetizer  
  
Draco couldn't see a thing, as he was being lead down what seemed to a long, steep, stone staircase. He could smell a musty scent that reminded him of being in the dungeons at Hogwarts. The air was cold, but that wasn't why he shivered. His eyes were blindfolded and the cloth he desperately wanted to remove. He couldn't though, as his hands were bound and bleeding from the thorned vine they used to do so. Another shiver went down his spine as they descended upon the dirt floor. No turning back now. he was going to be a deatheater and now his father would *have* to be proud of him.  
  
~*.*~  
  
Lucius eyes were locked on his son. He was dirty, bleeding, and. scared. Lucius may not been around much while he grew up, but he did know his son well enough to tell that he was scared. Draco was seventeen now and it was time for him to join the circle of deatheaters and become a man. "Draco." he whispered to himself. *I can't believe I'm having second thoughts about this now. This is what I raised him to do. He is my only heir. And yet I can remember me when I was just a boy*. At that moment Lucius caught Snape's eye.  
  
~*.*~  
  
Chapter One: Tears and Eclairs  
  
Severus Snape strolled into the empty Slytherin common room. He was a tall, thin, sickly looking boy with long black oily hair extending half way down his back. He sighed as he slumped down in a velvet green armchair by the fire trying to get in a comfortable position to read. *Just what I was hoping for, a nice, quiet, study period without any of distractions. Stupid party, I didn't want to go anyway*.  
  
With that a very pissed off Lucius Malfoy came sauntering in with four girls. Three of which were Slytherin, the other one Severus didn't recognize. *Must be from another house*. "What are you doing here? Don't you have somewhere else to read?" Lucius threw himself down on a couch. Severus was just about to throw a retort at him when, of course, Lucius opened his mouth to hear himself speak again. "Merlin! Just wait until my father hears about this! They'll be sorry then." One of the girls attempted to slide her hand down Lucius pants. "Don't! What did I tell you before? I'm not interested. I don't want any of your diseases. Merlin! Don't you think I'm a little young for that." The raven-haired girl giggled and tried to grope him. "You know what? You know what! Out. Just get out. I'm not old enough for this. Out!" Lucius's thirteen-year-old voice squeaked. Geez, just because I'm pretty.  
  
Severus slammed his book shut a stalked to his dormitory room. "I'm not going to get any reading done there. Doesn't he ever shut-up?" He mumbled to himself.  
  
It was only a couple weeks into Severus's fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and of course the usual sorting of the firsties was finished. Then there was the student sorting by popular was selected from the unpopular and the diseased from the unpopular and so on. Severus was a brain. In fact he was the Slytherin brain. He already was knee high in "business ventures" this year or rather he'd do papers and potions for other Slytherin students, for a price of course.  
  
He didn't fit in, and it wasn't like he was in the wrong house. Oh no, he was a Slytherin all right. He knew more curses than any of the other students. He just didn't fit in anywhere. His father told him when he was younger that was the price you pay when you're a genius. He thought he'd grow out of it. But he didn't.  
  
Then there were prats like Lucius Malfoy, rich, spoiled, and stupid. Lucius never shut his mouth. Ever. He didn't get it. How could a white-haired, pale, short, girly looking third year be so, so popular? Seventh year girls wanted him. Why? Cause he's a Malfoy. That's why. Still it wasn't right. He was he in his fifth year and the seventh year girls didn't even bother to talk to him, unless they needed facial potion, stupid vain bitches. What was even worse was this brat, Malfoy, shared his dormitory. The bugger got beat up last year by some kid in his dorm because the guy's girlfriend was all over Malfoy. Anyway he got moved into the fifth year dormitory. He probably complained to his father and wanted a bigger room.  
  
Severus spent the rest of the night reading More Potente Potions until, Guy Parkinson, Phoenix Zabini, and Lucius came in for bed. Who knew where their other roommate was? He was probably off diddling some Ravenclaw. For a while the three boys talked about the party that had taken place that night in the forbidden forest and sometime while eavesdropping on their conversation Severus fell asleep.  
  
~*.*~ Severus's dark eyes fluttered open suddenly, there were quiet sobs coming from the bed next to him, Lucius's bed. Severus didn't know what to do. He lay there a few minutes trying to fall back to sleep. He figured he'd pretend like he hadn't heard anything. It wasn't working; he needed the bathroom too badly. So he sat up. The sobs were quickly stifled.  
  
Severus was just comfortable and back in bed again when a small voice asked if he was awake. "No. I'm not."  
  
"Oh. Well then."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I'm hungry."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Are you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"I really want an éclair. Are you sure you aren't hungry."  
  
"Well I am now that you're talking about éclairs."  
  
"Good because I don't like to eat alone."  
  
Suddenly Severus was shoved aside as Lucius came crawling into his bed, making himself quite cozy under the covers. He was holding a bag and a jug. Severus sat up beside Lucius glowered at the thin white-haired boy. "I didn't invite you. Some people sleep at night."  
  
"Those people are snoring in the other beds. You were awake."  
  
Severus continued to scowl at him.  
  
"Oh knock it off, I know you dislike anything breathing in comparison to books and wolfsbane but I'm giving you food. Here take one. I've got a ton. I nicked a bunch at dinner."  
  
Severus dropped his scowl and opted for one of the eclairs instead. "Um. Thanks."  
  
Lucius picked bits off his éclair and put some in his mouth. "This is fun. How come you didn't go to the party? I didn't see you there at all."  
  
"I wasn't invited," he admitted.  
  
"Oh." Severus watched Lucius pick at his éclair.  
  
"Why do you eat like that?"  
  
Lucius shrugged. "It's Malfoy manners."  
  
What, to eat like a pussy boy," Severus retorted.  
  
"No. Not to eat like a pig," Lucius replied as Severus took another huge bite of éclair, pudding dripping on his chin. They ate in silence for a while. Severus ate three in the time it took Lucius to eat one éclair. "You want a drink. I've got pumpkin juice in here." He held out the jug and Severus took a swig. "Thanks."  
  
Lucius made a sideward glance a Severus. "Hey, um, you won't tell anyone about me crying right? Malfoys aren't supposed to cry and besides it's embarrassing."  
  
"I won't tell. I could care less."  
  
"Right, then. Goodnight." Lucius scooted out of the bed with the empty bag and jug. Severus couldn't help thinking that was strangest thing. He hadn't much bothered with Lucius. Just figured him for a rich, whiny brat. Seemed to be what he did best most of the time. Severus fell back to sleep wondering what Lucius was upset about.  
  
~*.*~  
  
It wasn't until December 29th Severus woke up to crying again.  
  
"Who's there?" There was some sniffling and clearing of the throat before an answer came.  
  
"It's Malfoy."  
  
"What are you doing here? Didn't you go home for Holiday?"  
  
"My father sent me back." His voice cracked at father and the silent flow of tears seemed to be the loudest thing in the room.  
  
"Hey, Lucius? You, uh, okay?" There was no reply. "Lucius?"  
  
Severus could hear Lucius padding over to his bed. Lucius climbed into his bed holding a fist full of handkerchiefs. "Can I talk to you?" Tears threatened to spill out over Lucius's gray-silver eyes, and there was a bruise on his left cheek bone.  
  
"You can, but I'm warning you I don't know the whole console someone thing."  
  
"You can't tell anyone."  
  
"Like I have anyone to tell," he joked. A faint smile formed on Lucius lips.  
  
"Okay then." Lucius took a moment. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Severus was patient. See tonight my father got drunk, you know being the holidays and all. I normally stay out of his way, but I hadn't wanted to stop torturing this house elf in the study so I didn't go to my room." Lucius forced a small laugh. Anyway he came in and started in on me about what a failure and disgrace I am and so on. I couldn't take it, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. That's how I got this bruise and it's not the only one I've got on me. My mother sent me back here where I'd be safe until he sobers up. Lucius paused before he spoke. "He tried to kill me."  
  
Severus stared at him not knowing what to say. He took in all of Lucius. In the dark he could see bruising around Lucius's pale throat. Lucius's face was splotchy from crying and his nose was red. "Wow, um, I mean, are you okay?"  
  
Lucius laughed a little. "You were right. You are bad at this consoling thing."  
  
Severus laughed. "Yeah, I am. Sorry."  
  
"No it's okay. Yeah I'm fine. I just don't know what to do. This happens a lot."  
  
Severus was quiet. "I understand that. When I lived with my Aunt and Uncle on my mum's side they abused me."  
  
"You don't live with your parents? I didn't know that. I thought. I assumed. I assumed you were like the rest of us."  
  
"Yeah, well, my parents died when I was seven. I live with my Grandfather Snape now. He, uh, he takes care of all my financial needs, like Hogwarts. He's old fashioned though, and I know my place. He's a good man."  
  
"Sorry about your parents."  
  
Severus looked at Lucius. He looked sincere. "You know, I always took you for a prat."  
  
Lucius laughed. "Yeah, well, don't let it get out I'm not entirely. Then my father would really kill me." After a pause between the two of them Lucius shifted a bit, "Hey, um, you think we could be friends after this, Crabbe and Goyle aren't much conversation, the girls get annoying, and it'd be really good if I had a friend to help me maybe with potions and stuff. So you think we could be?"  
  
Severus was taken back a bit. "I guess we could be. I mean we have a lot in common, sucky family life, we both hate your friends."  
  
"Hey I didn't say I hated them."  
  
They laughed and talked awhile until before both fell asleep in Severus's bed. 


	2. Body chocolate and Malfoy Manners

To Eat Death or Not to Eat Death? That is the Question. (A tale of three boys' Rite of Passage)  
  
Pen Name: PhoenixTear  
  
Email: PhoenixTear2003@yahoo.com  
  
Category: Romance/Humor (Slash)  
  
Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, don't imply.  
  
Pairing: Lucius/Severus Snape and Harry/Draco  
  
Interlude: Body Chocolate  
  
Harry yawned as he squirmed out of Draco's arms. It was almost daylight in the Astronomy tower. A devilish grin spread over Harry's thin lips as he gazed at Draco's sleeping silhouette hidden in the blankets that were strewn across the hard wood floor. *He's sleeping so peaceful. He looks like an Angel, but I know better*.  
  
Harry reached under the blankets and into Draco's boxers. He slowly started to trace a finger up and down the length of Draco's cock.  
  
"Wake up Draco," Harry whispered into Draco's ear. Harry proceeded to lick Draco's ear and trace his way down to the pale flesh of his neck, nipping lightly.  
  
"Hmmm. Harry," Draco purred. He slid a hand down Harry's exposed back stopping to grab his ass. "You know Potter," Draco drawled. "You really ought to be a Slytherin waking me this way."  
  
"The sorting hat thought I should've been one but I didn't want to end up with the likes of people like you. Besides I know you love this," Harry stated as he straddled the other boy. "You fucking love not being in control." Harry fingered one of Draco's nipples. "It gets you hot." Just then Harry leaned in and bit Draco's neck.  
  
"Ohhh. Harry." Draco rolled Harry to the floor and positioned himself on top. "Funny. You didn't want to end up with the likes of me. You wanted to end up inside of the likes me." Draco began to grind himself against the other boy. "I'm hungry Potter."  
  
Harry squirmed under Draco's narrow hips. "You know, Draco, seaman has five calories per tablespoon."  
  
"I didn't mean you fuckwit." Draco stopped his movement and looked about the room. "I want breakfast, Potter." Draco spied Harry's bag in the corner. "What have you got in your bag?"  
  
Harry was now grinding himself against Draco. "Malfoy, can't you think about food some other time? I think we have more important matters. We'll go to the great hall later."  
  
Draco removed himself from Harry's body and made his way over to the bag. Harry groaned, letting his head fall back, hitting the floor. Digging through the bag Draco pulled out a stack of chocolate frogs. "These will do," he said as he slid atop of Harry again.  
  
"Hey, I got those for Ron," Harry complained.  
  
"And I want food, Potter." Draco glared and began to open one of the packages.  
  
Harry sat up with Draco still on him. With wide eyes he whispered, "But I want you." Harry wrapped his arms around Draco's waist.  
  
Draco's scowl dropped. He looked at Harry and brushed his black hair out of Harry's face. "I want you too." Draco paused as he gazed deeply in to emerald eyes. "I love you," Draco murmured in a rare moment of tenderness. Draco's gazed dropped to the chocolate frog in his hand. A trademark smirk suddenly appeared on his lips.  
  
"I love you and I want you." Draco pushed Harry back on to the floor. "I think I have an idea that'll meet both of our needs." Harry's brow furled.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Draco's eyes took on a devilish glint. "Two words Potter. Body. Chocolate."  
  
Harry smiled and licked his lips. Draco grabbed his wand and mumbled a few words. Instantly Harry's hands were bound.  
  
"And Potter two things. *I* am in control and *you* are going to scream for me." Draco leaned in and placed a tender kiss on the raven- haired boy's lips.  
  
"I can't wait, Draco. I can't wait."  
  
Chapter 2: Fugue Chicken and Malfoy Manners  
  
Lucius snuck up behind Severus who the unsuspecting victim eating his dinner at the Slytherin table. Lucius grabbed him from behind and Severus jumped and let out a yelp.  
  
"Merlin! You prat! Don't do that. What did I tell you about that?!"  
  
"Hi. Hey, Sev, I want you to meet the girl whose going to save my adolescent life," Lucius burst, speaking animated.  
  
Lucius ran over to a slim girl, with short dark blonde hair wearing Ravenclaw robes. He grabbed her by the hand and led her over to Severus, whose face was faintly flushed with color.  
  
"Hi." She batted her eyes and smiled at Severus.  
  
Lucius started to sit down. "Sev, this is Emma Flint. Emma this is Severus, or Sevvy."  
  
"Don't call me that," Severus spat at Lucius. Hi, Emma," Severus breathed.  
  
"You can call me Em."  
  
"Yeah, Sev, Em here is tutoring me in divination." Lucius grabbed a chicken leg and took a chunk. "Anywho," he started with his mouth full, "I told her you could use some help too."  
  
At that moment, Guy Parkinson ran up to Lucius. "Come on Malfoy! Grab your food and go. We've got another Quittich practice. You *need* to be there. We'll never keep winning if you don't beat that Gryffindor chaser Potter!"  
  
"Bloody Hell! I just started eating! Stupid Potter," Lucius snarled mouth still full, food flying out.  
  
Severus wiped his face. "Lucius what ever happened to your Malfoy manners? I just got attacked by fugue piece of chicken."  
  
"Sevvy, I haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday." Lucius took another mouth full of chicken. "First I had to cram during lunch and then at dinner they pulled another one of these surprise practices and today at breakfast."  
  
"I get the idea," Severus interrupted. It's just I remember the boy who picked at his food like a girl and takes and hour to eat and claimed it to be 'Malfoy manners.' I wish that pussy boy could see this one."  
  
"Fuck Malfoy manners. And Sevvy, shut up I'm still that pussy boy."  
  
Severus took on an annoyed expression. "Will you stop calling me Sevvy?"  
  
Lucius smiled. "No Sevvy. What you don't like Sevvy?" Lucius pinched Severus's cheek. "I think Sevvy fits you perfect," Lucius teased.  
  
Severus batted Lucius's hand away. "Knock it off dunderhead and stop laughing with your mouth open. You look like a ferret like that."  
  
"Rubbish. Rubbish I say," Lucius exclaimed  
  
"Come on! Hurry up Malfoy."  
  
"Hold on." Lucius turned to Emma and Severus. "Sorry, Em, I forgot about practice. Um, why don't you stay here with Sev though? He'll fill me in later," Lucius suggested.  
  
"Malfoy," Guy shouted impatiently from the door.  
  
"Crikey! I'm coming already. Bye guys." Lucius grabbed two legs and dashed out the door. Emma and Severus were just left there to entertain themselves. Emma sat down and she and Severus struck up a conversation.  
  
*~ Two Weeks Later ~*  
  
Severus snuck into the Slytherin boys' dormitory, got undressed and slid into bed - only to realize someone was already there.  
  
"Ahhh," Severus yelled.  
  
"Shhh!" Lucius put a hand over Severus's mouth. "Shut up you big ogre. You'll wake everyone." Lucius removed the hand from Severus's mouth.  
  
"What are you doing in my bed?!" Severus pushed Lucius aside and got comfortable leaning against the head board. "You scared me half to death. Why aren't you a sleep in YOUR bed?"  
  
"Where were you," Lucius questioned.  
  
"What?" Severus raised an eye brow.  
  
"Where were you? You promised, promised, me you'd help me with potions and then we'd get into trouble." Lucius crossed his arms and pouted, resembling a disappointed child.  
  
"I was with Emma. I'll help you tomorrow."  
  
"No Sev. You promised - again. And you broke your promise - again. You know, I haven't seen you for the past two weeks at all. You've been with her all the time. You have a best friend, you know."  
  
"Do I?" Severus questioned.  
  
"Yes! One you're neglecting."  
  
"We're best friends?"  
  
Lucius threw his arms up. "Geez, what do you think I am? You're my best friend."  
  
"Oh." Severus bit his lip. "I'm really sorry Lucius. I just like her a lot."  
  
"You like Emma! Emma," Lucius yelled exasperated. "That whorish bitch! Merlin, Sev you can do better than that!" Lucius crossed his arms again and scowled.  
  
"She's NOT a whorish bitch," Severus stated angrily.  
  
"Yes, she is! She's diddled half the house!"  
  
"Take it back."  
  
"She's a whore!  
  
"Take it back!"  
  
"Emma Flint is a first rate slut, Sevvy!"  
  
Severus voice took on a low growl. "Do not. Call my girlfriend. A slut."  
  
"Your girlfriend," Lucius choked. "Oh." Lucius got up and went to his own bed. Neither one said another word. 


	3. Interlude: Taste of Death

To Eat Death or Not to Eat Death? That is the Question. (A tale of three boys' Rite of Passage)  
  
Pen Name: PhoenixTear  
  
Email: PhoenixTear2003@yahoo.com  
  
Category: Romance/Humor (Slash)  
  
Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, don't imply.  
  
Pairing: Lucius/Severus Snape and Harry/Draco  
  
Interlude: So that's the taste of Death, huh?  
  
Draco was led into a room he assumed. He could sense the presence of the other deatheaters. He could feel the warmth of the fire against his exposed skin of his torso and back. It made his skin form tiny goose bumps. *This is it. I'm going to be a deatheater and never be with Harry again. This is it. Breathe*.  
  
"Kneel," a voice whispered. Draco did as he was told and sank to his knees, hands still bound behind his back, the blood had dried to his skin. *This is really what my father wants. I have no choice. I love my father. I love Harry. Draco blinked back tears. This is too hard. I can't choose. I'm only seventeen. Harry*.  
  
"We are ready to begin the ceremony," a voice called out. A chill ran down Draco's spine. He had to force himself not to shutter. A chant began among the deatheaters. It started low and grew louder until they were all but shouting.  
  
"Silence," a voice hissed.  
  
Oh man! I am not cut out for this! I'm scared of the dark for Merlin's sake! All that creepy chanting stuff and I KNOW that voice has to be Voldemort! Dad's boss VOLDIE! Great.I guess it wouldn't be a good impression if I pissed my pants. To bad they're my only remaining article of clothing. No peeing my pants would definitely not be good for the Malfoy name. Nope, nope. I wish Harry were here he's the only person not scared of Voldemort. Harry.Draco silently mouthed.  
  
"Bring the fledgling forth," it hissed again. Someone grabbed Draco on either side and lifted him to his feet. They led him forward.  
  
"Lucius, is this your son?"  
  
"Yes, my Lord," Draco heard his father answer.  
  
"I see. Hmm.Yes. Draco I believe is his name. Draco Thomas Lucius Malfoy. Yes I remember when he was born. I have great expectations for you Draco," the voice mused. "Bring him closer," it snapped.  
  
They did and forced Draco to kneel again. A bony hand reached out and removed the blindfold. Draco saw Voldemort's face for the first time. He gasped at what he saw.  
  
Oh my if I had a God! That is the ugliest thing I've ever seen. I hold more respect for Harry than ever. He had to look at this thing. Harry says Snape needs a glamour! Ha, I think Voldie here could sure use one. I mean in all the dark magic he's got you'd think he'd find something to fix that mess up. My father worships this thing. I don't know if I can do that. Ewww! It's touching me. Mommy!  
  
Voldemort traced a finger down Draco's face stopping under his chin and tilted his face up to look at Voldemort. "Lucius, he looks just like you." Voldemort leaned in close to Draco's face. "So lovely you are," he breathed to Draco. Voldemort closed the gap and kissed Draco's soft pink lips. Draco quickly sat back and rubbed his face on his shoulder.  
  
Gross, he kissed me. And I thought being fucked by Potter was degrading. Now I'm going to be ugly snake man's whore. No, no, no. This sucks. Ewww, I bet he fucked my father a lot. He said I look just like him. Does this thing even have a penis? Hmmm, I wonder, I'm half curious enough to find out, if I weren't in love with Harry still. Great now I'm not only Boy-who-lived's bitch but now I'm going to be Thing-that's-living-and-really-shouldn't-be's bitch. I'm such a bottom boy. Ewww, it's giving me that lusty look.  
  
"What something wrong Draco? Don't you like my kiss? Perhaps if I looked different? Perhaps if I was your age?" Voldemort's hand shot to the side.  
  
"Severus! Bring me the Elixir of the Ageless." Voldemort turned his attentions back to a disgusted Draco as Snape brought a black goblet to Voldemort.  
  
"The Elixir of the Ageless will make as I once was, Draco. You will have me then, my love. But first come here Draco. I want you to kiss me. I want you to taste death. Come now child."  
  
Draco sat up and leaned forward with his eyes tightly shut and was swept up into a passionate kiss.for Voldemort. Draco just obeyed and kissed back with eyes closed tightly as he could. Finally he was released.  
  
So that's what death tastes like, huh? Tastes smoke and garlic. Hmmm, now there's a thought. Maybe that's why Professor Quirrell smelled like garlic. It was Voldemort's breath. Ewww, poor Quirrell. I bet he never got laid. I don't ever want to taste death again. I hope this doesn't constitute as cheating. Don't want Harry to be mad. What am I supposed to say to him? Hey guess what Honey I tasted death today. Can you smell the garlic on my breath? Yeah I was making out with the thing that's trying to kill you. You wanna shag now? 


	4. Lucius and Sevvy's Cat fight

To Eat Death or Not to Eat Death? That is the Question. (A tale of three boys' Rite of Passage)  
  
Pen Name: PhoenixTear  
  
Email: PhoenixTear2003@yahoo.com  
  
Category: Romance/Humor (Slash)  
  
Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, don't imply.  
  
Pairing: Lucius/Severus Snape and Harry/Draco  
  
Chapter 3: Lucius and Sevvy's Cat fight  
  
Lucius was miserable. It was two months now and Severus wasn't talking to him. At least not until he apologized and took everything he had said about Emma Flint back, and like that was going to happen. He knew he was right about the whore.  
  
"His GIRLFRIEND!" Lucius spat as he paced the room. Guy Parkinson watched quietly from his bed where he had been reading.  
  
"Sev's dating that Ravenclaw whore Emma Flint." The white-haired boy stopped to look right at Guy. "Thing is, I don't even think he realizes what she's like. This is all Sevvy sees is a smart pretty girl. Sevvy de-"  
  
"Severus hates when you call him Sevvy." Lucius rolled his eyes at Guy.  
  
"Listen to me. Who cares if Sevvy doesn't like it, it suits him. Anyway as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, Sevvy deserves better. Sevvy, though he doesn't seem it, would be crushed if his heart was broken. He's just a big ole softy.  
  
"Am I now," said Severus said coolly as he walked into the dormitory. Lucius ran a nervous hand through his platinum waist-length hair.  
  
"Well, um. Yes, you are," Lucius stammered.  
  
"You know Lucius, the way you've been acting one would think you were jealous." Severus stated as he lounged on his bed shooting daggers with his eyes at Lucius.  
  
"I AM NOT JEALOUS," Lucius shouted. Severus sat up abruptly.  
  
"Then what is your problem, huh Lucius? I get a girlfriend and you call her a whore and a slut. You bad mouth her to everyone. You are acting JEALOUS!"  
  
Guy shifted uncomfortable before standing up. "Uh. I think I'll leave you two alone. Good to see you talking again. Whoa, look at the time, I've got a Gryffindor to go curse. Yeah. Bye." Guy picked up his book and wand and dashed out the doorway.  
  
"Look Severus, you scared him off. I was having a conversation with him."  
  
"One about me, you whiny, jealous, beggar."  
  
Lucius stalked towards Severus a pushed him. Hard, Severus fell right off the other side of the bed. Lucius crossed his arms over his chest huffily .  
  
"I am not jealous."  
  
"You fucking prat. You fucking whiny, spoiled, babied, prat." Severus got up crawled over the bed and pushed Lucius, who fell back on to his bed. He grunted and threw his thin short body with all his might at Severus tackling him on the bed.  
  
"I am not jealous!"  
  
Severus rolled them off the bed and on to the stone floor. Lucius hit the ground with a thud, Severus landing on top of him.  
  
"Why would you tackle me if you weren't jealous?!"  
  
Lucius scrambled out from underneath Severus and pushed the larger boy down straddling him and grabbed a fist full of Severus's black hair in each hand and yanked screaming. "Look I am not jealous of anything you do with that bitch! I just think you could do better!"  
  
Severus grabbed Lucius by the hair. "You're jealous because I spend more time with her."  
  
"Ow, ow, ow, ow. Owww. Ouch! Fucker," Lucius whined face twisted in pain. "My hair! Look! I am not jealous! I do not want to be your boyfriend," Lucius shouted.  
  
Severus let go of Lucius's hair, eyes wide. Lucius rubbed his head. "Ow," he whined. "That really hurt, Sevvy."  
  
Severus cleared his throat. "Lucius. I never said you wanted to be my boyfriend. I said you were jealous. I meant you were jealous that I was spending time with her and spending less time hanging out with you. I didn't mean you wanted to date me."  
  
Lucius's face turned a nice shade of rouge. "Oh, yeah, um well." Lucius shifted a top of Severus and fixed his hair. "Well, I'm not jealous all the same. I just think you could do better. I wasn't saying things about her to offend you. I just wanted to warn you, Sev. You're, um, my best friend and I don't want to see you get hurt. I didn't want her to fuck some guy and you get hurt. I really hate cursing Ravenclaws you know. Those buggers are so smart it's hard to do." Lucius laughed nervously.  
  
Severus's eyes darted to his hands. "Yeah, well you were right. She cheated on me."  
  
Lucius leaned down a hugged the other boy. "I'm so sorry, Sev."  
  
"Me too, I really liked her. I didn't think she was like that. I mean after dating for two months you'd think you knew someone a little better. I really liked her."  
  
"I'm sorry. I know you did," Lucius gently said into black hair as he hugged Severus a little tighter. They stayed that way for a minute until Lucius slowly sat back on to Severus's stomach. Severus cleared his throat and looked away as Lucius fixed his hair and brushed off his shirt, both painfully aware of the male hug.  
  
"Right, so.," Severus started. Suddenly the door opened Guy and Phoenix Zambini standing in the doorway staring at the two boys on the floor and the messy bed, Lucius straddling Severus.  
  
"Whoa.sorry there. Didn't know action was going on," Zambini whistled.  
  
"So that's where jealously gets ya. We'll be leaving now," Guy chimed.  
  
Lucius and Severus quickly extracted themselves from one another both trying to explain.  
  
"We weren't-"  
  
"It's not what-"  
  
Zambini walked into the room. "Its okay guys. Really we don't have a problem with this kind of thing. Actually, we expected this a long time ago, but then Snape here got a girlfriend. Really, it's okay."  
  
"We were not shagging! Merlin! It's Lucius, for the dark arts sake. That's disgusting. I'd never think of him like that. We were fighting but we worked it all out during it. Geez. You two are sick. I don't support that kind of thing."  
  
"Oh sorry then," Guy offered.  
  
"It's okay," Lucius said softly and walked out of the room. Talk to you later guys, my head hurts from my hair being pulled I'm going to see Pommy about a fix for it." He turned to Severus. "Talk to you later, okay." Then he left the room head hanging slightly.  
  
"Okay," Severus replied and returned to his bed fixing the mess of the covers. Guy and Phoenix watched Lucius and then looked at each other. Severus was oblivious to Lucius's broken heart. 


	5. Interlude: How I Used to Be

To Eat Death or Not to Eat Death? That is the Question. (A tale of three boys' Rite of Passage)  
  
Pen Name: PhoenixTear Email: PhoenixTear2003@yahoo.com Category: Romance Rating: R Spoilers: None so far Disclaimer: Don't know, Don't own, Don't imply. Contains Slash. Pairing: Lucius/Severus Snape and Harry/Draco  
  
Interlude: How I Used to Be  
  
Draco lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. It was the middle of a fine Saturday morning, and though the sun shone cheerfully outside that day, Draco didn't feel quite as happy. It was eleven-thirty and Draco was restless and rolled his body up to sitting position and put on some shoes and grabbed his robes - time for a walk.  
  
Draco wandered to the Quittich field and lay down in the middle watching his breath form small clouds as he breathed. It was November and the air was more than a little crisp but Draco didn't mind the cold. Draco couldn't feel anything anymore. He couldn't be angered. He couldn't cry. He could barely get up and out of bed anymore. He wanted to rot away under worn warm sheets. He realized he had nothing. He didn't want to live. He didn't want to die. He wanted to forget he existed. He wanted to be forgotten. He prayed to fates that something would change - anything at all.  
  
Now as he lay there eyes closed he could feel them watching him from the great hall. He could feel eyes staring out the window as they ate at his relaxed body lying on the ground dirtying his clothing. He knew his friends thought he'd gone mad, he knew they all had suspicions. He didn't know what was wrong with him. Why those few words had struck such a deep chord within him making him like this. Making him so different from how he used to be.  
  
That Mudblood's words changed his life. Actually they stopped his life. He wished he never had initiated that stand off.  
  
~*.*~  
  
Draco sauntered into the Great Hall for the Halloween feast. He could see his favorite target, Potter and his pathetic friends. He walked right over to them, Crabbe and Goyle behind him, protecting him from any damage they may try to retaliate.  
  
"Well Hello there Potter, Weasel, and Mudblood," Draco drawled as he took the empty seat beside Harry and sitting across from Hermione.  
  
"What do want Malfoy," Ron snapped.  
  
"Why I want the pleasure of your company," Draco's voice said dripping in false innocence.  
  
"Oh, so the Slytherin's can't even stand you anymore? I see, well don't think for a minute we want you." Ron glared at Draco. "Malfoy, why don't you get out of here before you cause any trouble? I really don't feel like hexing anyone today, and I don't feel like staring at your wretched face. Kay? So beat it." Crabbe and Goyle started making fists and punching their hands to remind Ron that they were there.  
  
"Trust me Weasel, I can do far better than this pathetic lot. I just wanted to-"  
  
Hermione interrupted him suddenly wearing a tired expression her face. It sudden occurred to him she didn't look well.  
  
"Draco, why do you always do this? I don't understand it. You always try to get us into trouble and upset. I don't understand why it pleases you so much. I get that we're your enemies and all, so we get more of your rubbish, but you do it to everyone. You revel in other people pain so."  
  
"Oh so we're on first name biases now, Granger. I like to see you in pain," Draco tried to interrupt glaring but Hermione quickly shut him up.  
  
"No Malfoy, I'm not done. I want you to understand something so shut up for a moment. Draco what do you think any of this does? It's pointless. It doesn't really get to any of us, except maybe Ron but he's a red head and you never win anyway. Not really. You're just jealous of Harry. Everyone loves him and I bet no one's ever really loved you. Probably you're mother and your father can't even do it proper. They just keep you rich and spoiled. This whole rival started because you insulted Ron and Harry didn't want you're friendship after that, and now you can't out shine him. But nothings ever shined about you except that you take joy in pain. What do you even life for? Your words are just a waste of oxygen. That's not going to change so say what you want and then get out of here."  
  
Draco blinked stunned by Hermione speech. The stun didn't take long to wear off.  
  
"You know what I don't understand, Granger? How a Mudblood like you could even think your worthy of a place like Hogwarts. You're a Mudblood, dirty blood. You don't belong here or anywhere else. You're not a muggle, you're not a witch. You're just dirty and belong with other mudbloods like you and squibs!" Draco stood up and stalked to his table, robes billowing behind with Crabbe and Goyle. He could hear the three of them still talking.  
  
"Wow, Monie, don't you think that was a bit harsh," Harry questioned.  
  
"Nah," Ron started. "Hermione just said what everyone knows but won't say. Malfoy might be rich and a pureblooded as the come, but none of that makes him worth a Knut, even if he has got millions. And he does not get to me."  
  
Harry and Hermione burst out laughing.  
  
"Yeah. sure he doesn't," Harry chimed.  
  
~*.*~  
  
That was the first time anyone had confirmed any of his fears. His father was always reprimanding him for being a disgrace and telling him he didn't deserve the Malfoy name. His father patronized for ranking second in his class after that Mudblood Granger and for always falling short of that boy-who-lived Potter in Quittich. Also ever since he came to Hogwarts the Slytherin's haven't gotten the house cup. So yes he was jealous of Potter, diseased with envy and rejection, so what? Harry rejected him, his father rejected him. His mother thought of him like a doll, something to take out and play with. And love? He knew nothing of it. Long past were the days of hugs and kisses in his house, not one after seven. After that you were trained and part of training was obedience and pain. Maybe he enjoyed others pain because his father enjoyed his. How many times had he been subjected to the Imperius or Cruciatus curses in the name of 'training'?  
  
Hermione didn't understand how hard it was to be him. He had so much to live up to. He had so much he had to do. He didn't grow up like other kids. Even Vince and Greg grew up in a warmer environment then he did. He couldn't let his father down. He didn't want to let his father down. His approval meant everything to Draco. He lived for his father and his family name.  
  
Malfoy, bad faith, it was ironic that's what it meant. All his life no one's had faith in him. No faith he'd make his father proud. No faith he might do the right thing. No faith that he might have feelings. And now he had no more faith in himself. He had no faith in living anymore. Granger was right. It was pointless, not about Potter and them although that too. It was pointless to try anymore. He'd been reaching a breaking point before but somehow those words opened a flood gate.  
  
Draco rolled up the sleeve of his shirt and robe. The dark red-brown color of a fresh scab was there now, dried blood on his arm from when it was still oozing and smeared. The slash went from the bend of his elbow to his wrist. He ran a finger down it. Next he reached in his robes and pulled out a small razor blade. He promised himself after last night he wouldn't do this again, but how nice it'd be to feel again, to let tears fall from the pain. Yes, Hermione, I do get please from pain but not just from others, he thought. How long had he been doing this? Two years? Three Years? However, it seemed he'd done it more in the past two weeks then in all of those years. If fact he was sure of this.  
  
Draco took the blade in his hand and dug it deeply into the flesh of his arm. He dragged it along side the wound that was healing. A thick crimson line pooled until it pushed out of its invisible confines and streaming down his arm and on to the black fabric of his robes. Maybe, he thought, maybe he'll let all the numbness bleed out of him. "At least for a little while," he murmured aloud.  
  
He knew from this distance no one would know what he was doing. He thought that was perfect. Out in the open he thought. No one would ever suspect he was watching himself bleed. He would always heal it a little though. Right before he'd almost pass out. The black would start seeping into his vision and his own thoughts would reappear in his mind. I don't want to live. I don't want to die, and then he'd mumble a few words and the wound would close up leaving a scab and later a scar to remind him of the 'I don't want to live' part. Afterwards he'd lie in bed tracing the wounds with his thin fingers until sleep took over.  
  
Ah, glorious sleep. It was the only thing he wanted to do anymore. Sleep, his only escape. Sometimes he'd dream. Last night he had dreamed. It was a taunting dream. He dreamt that he had blacked out before he could fix his handy work and died. Crabbe and Goyle came in and found him. They barely were intelligent enough to know he was dead, but Goyle said he look just like the people he knocked off for Lucius so he had to be dead. All Crabbe said was oh.  
  
Next he was at his funeral. It was held at Hogwarts so all the student body HAD to be there. His father didn't want it held at the family graveyard. It was too close to the Malfoy Manor and he didn't want anyone to know where it was. His father didn't think Draco was worth redoing the unplottable charms and spells. It was a lovely service except the weird thing was Hagrid was the preacher and a bunch of blast-ended strewts were sitting in the front pew cannibalizing each other.  
  
Afterwards he could hear everyone talking about him at the memorial dinner. Weasel was saying how he always admired his quick retorts and come backs. Blaise Zambini wondered if he could be captain of the Slytherin Quittich team now. Crabbe and Goyle were stuffing their faces, unaware they should be mourning for their friend. Hermione admitted she thought he was the most handsome boy in the school and that she felt guilty for all the spiteful things she said. He liked that part. Ha ha, Mudblood bitch. I'm dead now. He frowned at that. Harry said he didn't know who'd he'd have wizard duels with now. Then his father came in the conversation just it looked like his enemies were going to start in tear. Oh don't be foolish he was saying. Draco was a disgrace he couldn't even keep up with you on a broom, nonetheless a wizard duel. Then he turned to Hermione and told her that he was in awe of the scores she received. He told her that even though she was a Mudblood, they could use someone like her, smart, witty, and attractive. She had blushed. His father said something about needing an heir and adopting her. It was a strange and taunting dream indeed. Then they bounded off happily the four of them.  
  
Draco was so wrapped up in his recollections and bleeding he was unaware of the fact someone had walked onto the field and was beside him or of the fact that tears were streaming down his face.  
  
"Malfoy," Harry gasped. "What are you doing?!"  
  
~*.*~  
  
"Unwell" By Matchbox 20  
  
All day staring at the ceiling  
  
Making friends with shadows on my wall  
  
All night hearing voices telling me  
  
That I should get some sleep  
  
Because tomorrow might be good for something  
  
Hold on  
  
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown  
  
And I don't know why  
  
[Chorus]  
  
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
  
I know right now you can't tell  
  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
  
A different side of me  
  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
  
I know right now you don't care  
  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
  
And how I used to be...me  
  
I'm talking to myself in public  
  
Dodging glances on the train  
  
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me  
  
I can hear them whisper  
  
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me  
  
Out of all the hours thinking  
  
Somehow I've lost my mind  
  
[Chorus]  
  
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
  
I know right now you can't tell  
  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
  
A different side of me  
  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
  
I know right now you don't care  
  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
  
And how I used to be  
  
I've been talking in my sleep  
  
Pretty soon they'll come to get me  
  
Yeah, they're taking me away  
  
[Chorus]  
  
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
  
I know right now you can't tell  
  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
  
A different side of me  
  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
  
I know right now you don't care  
  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
  
And how I used to be  
  
Yeah, how I used to be  
  
How I used to be  
  
Well, I'm just a little unwell  
  
How I used to be  
  
How I used to be  
  
I'm just a little unwell  
  
I was writing this thinking this song suited the mood perfect.  
  
~*.*~  
  
Also I just want to send a thanks out to Juu-chan, Mighty_Sisto, Leaper_Messiah, Jenni_Piech and Scholcompl for the time they took to send me reviews. I really appreciate them. Thanks for making my day. 


	6. Snape's Beauty Parlor and Bums

To Eat Death or Not to Eat Death? That is the Question. (A tale of three boys' Rite of Passage)  
  
Pen Name: PhoenixTear Email: PhoenixTear2003@yahoo.com Category: Romance Rating: R Disclaimer: Don't know, Don't own, Don't imply. Contains Slash. Pairing: Lucius/Severus Snape and Harry/Draco  
  
Chapter 4: Snape's Beauty Parlor and Bums  
  
Lucius watched Severus as he peered into to the telescope. Long dark hair hid part of his face. Lucius noticed how the dim light of a couple candles and some moonlight made Severus look mysterious. Lucius saw something in Severus, or rather Sevvy, that no one else saw. Lucius saw the human lying not far beneath the surface of a hard exterior. Severus was strong. No one knew what he was feeling. They thought he was either angry, annoyed, or both. Lucius knew better. It was all an act. He couldn't let other's know when he was hurt, as Sirius and his little friends often did to him.  
  
Lucius understood completely. He was a Malfoy and that was how he was to be as well. If understood it was him. It was a sign of strength. Do not let your enemies know what you feel, of course unless you're lying. Lucius wasn't nearly as good as Severus. Lucius got angry to quickly and threw prima donna fits, and when Lucius was around Severus he barely tried anymore. Severus on the other hand took a little while before he loosened up. Once he did it was amazing. It was a shame no one else got to know the real him. But that's fine Lucius didn't really want to share any way. Somehow their friendship just clicked. Something more had clicked for Lucius and it was getting harder to ignore. It felt like he had known Severus all his life. Strange they only had been friends a few months.  
  
Severus pulled away from the telescope and took a few notes. He brushed his hair behind his ear. To Lucius he looked beautiful. He was supposed to be doing a plant chart but instead spent his time watching Severus. Lucius tried to blame it on hero worship, but he knew better deep inside.  
  
Lucius hoped to death that he hadn't started becoming noticeable. He didn't want to lose Sevvy's friendship. Severus had made it clear a couple days ago that he did not support any homosexuality, especially with Lucius. Lucius cringed. It wasn't like he was a total pouf. He liked women, he just liked men too. He liked Severus. Lucius knew he carried a certain amount of Nancy boy tendencies but that was really because he was spoiled and rich and had exceptional taste.or at least he hoped that was the reason.  
  
Severus turned back to look at Lucius. He gave a warm smile with a generally puzzled look on his face. He let out a soft laugh.  
  
"Lucius, why are you looking at me like that?"  
  
Lucius was sitting on an old pillow on the wooden floor. His astronomy book was open in his lap and parchment was open on the floor. Lucius's face was propped with one hand, quill in it. Altogether he looked like he was literally staring off into space or like one of his own female admirers. Lucius smiled back.  
  
"Like what Sevvy?"  
  
"When are you going to stop calling me that?" Lucius ignored his comment. Severus swirled around on his stool to face Lucius completely. "I don't know you look all spaced out. What were you thinking about? Because from your parchment it hasn't been the skies."  
  
Lucius glanced down at his parchment. There was only two lines written on it, and one was his name. "Hmm, you caught me. I haven't been do planetary charts at all." Lucius racked his brain for something to make a plausible excuse. He very well couldn't tell Severus that he was thinking about him. As Lucius brainstormed he twirled a long strand of his silvery-white hair.  
  
"So what were you thinking about," Severus repeated. "It has to be good for you to be dazed this long."  
  
Suddenly Lucius got a brainwave. "I was thinking.um. Severus, what would you think if I cut my hair?"  
  
Severus burst out laughing so hard he slipped off his stool. Lucius's face took on an annoyed expression. He sat up and crossed his arms.  
  
"What is so funny?"  
  
Severus calmed himself down. "Oh god that was a good one. Lucius if you weren't my friend I'd keep you around because you're so funny." Severus accidentally laughed again.  
  
"What is so funny? I don't see anything funny."  
  
Severus looked at him pouting. "You are what is so funny. I thought you were thinking about a girl or something. You're so vain, Lucius. It struck me as funny." Lucius continued to pout. "Oh come Lucius, lighten up. Cut you're hair if you want. In fact I'll cut it for you if you wipe that horrid look off your face."  
  
At this Lucius perked up. "You'll cut it for me?"  
  
"Well, wasn't serious," Severus stated uneasily.  
  
"Can you though?" Lucius implored.  
  
"Well I have cut my grandfather's hair and I used to do my own, but I don't' know if this is such a great idea."  
  
"Why not? It'll be fun Sevvy."  
  
"Lucius you'll castrate me if I fuck up."  
  
"I trust you Sevvy with more than my hair" Lucius replied.  
  
"Well how much of a cut do you want? A trim? I could deal with that."  
  
"No Sevvy. I want it all off. I give you artistic license to my beautiful head of hair to do with as you see fit."  
  
Severus waved his hands in the air. "No way, now I know this is a bad idea. What if you hate it?"  
  
Lucius shrugged as he gathered their things. "I don't' know I guess I'll just have to kill you."  
  
"You know, I wouldn't put it past you," Severus said wearily as they both exited the room.  
  
~*.*~  
  
An hour and a half later in the Slytherin Prefect's bathroom Severus announced he was finished and turned Lucius around to see his handy work. Severus closed his eyes and braced himself as he waited for the crying and angry shouts to fill the room.  
  
Lucius stared at himself in the mirror. He couldn't believe the transformation in front of him. Before when he looked in the mirror he saw an attractive yet girly looking boy. Now he looked much older. His hair was short in the back but he had bangs in the front that he could tuck behind his ears while a few pieces hung down resting on his forehead. It looked good. He looked sophisticated yet sexy at the same time. Lucius always knew he was good looking, everyone told him so. Girls latched themselves to him. But he never looked like this. He never thought he had sex appeal and all it took was a few snips with the scissors. Severus wasn't just a potions genius, maybe he should be an image consultant, although he didn't do much with himself.  
  
Severus opened one eye. The screaming and crying hadn't ensued yet. Lucius was just staring at himself in the mirror. Maybe he had traumatized him, though he hadn't thought he was that vain.  
  
"I like it," Lucius simply stated.  
  
Severus desperately wanted to let out a big sigh but thought better of it. He looked at the image of Lucius in the mirror. He hadn't actually looked at the full effect. He just had wanted to get the hair even and the shape right. Lucius looked different. He looked older. He looked like he could lead the world just by walking to the room with those silver-gray eyes. Well Lucius was in training to lead masses. He looked sexy.as far as men go, Severus noted to himself. Severus dusted some more hair off Lucius bare shoulder and coughed.  
  
"Thanks Sev. I really like it." Lucius took his eyes off the mirror to look at Severus and smile.  
  
"Well I'm glad you don't have to me then."  
  
"Yeah me too," Lucius laughed  
  
Did his laugh sound different? Wow, I must be really tired. It is late. He's still not wearing a shirt.  
  
"You ought to put your shirt back on."  
  
"Oh yeah," Lucius mumbled as he put on his shirt and buttoned it. Severus did a quick cleaning spell. He performed one on Lucius to get rid of the unwanted hairs that he didn't brush off.  
  
"You ought to open a shop. You can call it Snape's Beauty Parlor," Lucius drawled with a smirk.  
  
"Um no. They'd take one look at me and go running the other way. The only customers I'd get are you and people that want green Mohawks." Both laughed.  
  
Severus cleared his throat. "If you thought you had a problem of too many ladies before.," he trailed off.  
  
Lucius laughed, "Oh please, no more. Maybe we should give you a hair cut and you can have them."  
  
"Please I wish," Severus looked down at the tile floor. "I'd never look like you. I'm just ugly. Everyone knows that. I got severely beat with the ugly stick or something" Severus looked up again. "Besides, it sounds like torture from the way you speak about it," he joked.  
  
"Don't talk rubbish. I don't think you're ugly, Sevvy. You're not at all. You're masculine. You let Sirius Black get to you to much. And trust me. You don't want to look like me. I look like a white, girly, mouse."  
  
"I'd rather look like a mouse."  
  
"A girly one," Lucius said with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Okay, maybe not a girly one," Severus laughed.  
  
"You know I think I have a tail somewhere back there."  
  
"Get up, let's see," Severus command and motioned for Lucius to turn around with his hand. Lucius got up and did so wiggling his bum.  
  
"Yes most definitely. You do have a rat's tail," he joked. Lucius swatted at him as he walked out the door. Severus took a second look at Lucius's bum as he walked behind him. It didn't go unnoticed how nice it was.  
  
It's just a nice bum. No harm in noticing a nice bum. 


	7. Interlude: Breakfast in Bed and Draco's ...

To Eat Death or Not to Eat Death? That is the Question. (A tale of three boys' Rite of Passage)  
  
Pen Name: PhoenixTear Email: PhoenixTear2003@yahoo.com Category: Romance Rating: R Spoilers: None so far Disclaimer: Don't know, Don't own, Don't imply. Contains Slash. Pairing: Lucius/Severus Snape and Harry/Draco  
  
I need a beta reader. If anyone would be kind enough to help me out, e-mail me at the above address.  
  
Interlude: Breakfast in Bed and Draco's Apology  
  
Draco was lying on the ground, in the middle of the Quittich field. His robes were soiled. He was holding a razor blade in one hand and blood was streaming down his other arm. He lay there staring at it, tears flowing freely down his face. There were other marks all over his arm. Harry was convinced Malfoy had gone mad and yet the morality part of him felt he needed to help him. He looked completely broke, and something about Malfoy looking like that appealed to him. *Just turn around. You didn't see anything.* Harry couldn't do it. He walked over to Malfoy carefully, firebolt still in one hand. At another glance Harry could see Draco carving more marks into his pale skin, crimson painting his flesh. Harry panicked.  
  
"Malfoy," Harry gasped. "What are you doing?!"  
  
Draco sat up. Shock apparent on his face, eyes wide with terror and were slightly unfocused.  
  
"Malfoy, what are you doing to yourself? Come on. Let's get you to Madam Pomfrey."  
  
This seemed to wake Draco from his daze. He pulled down his sleeves and shoved the razor in his pocket, still unaware he was crying.  
  
"Potter, mind your own Goddamn business. You saw nothing! It's none of your business. So sod off!" Draco sneered, voice cracking from the tears still stuck in his throat.  
  
Harry was in disbelief. Draco was committing suicide and he still had the audacity to tell Harry to sod off. "Draco," Harry started cautiously. "If we don't get you to Madam Pomfrey, you'll die."  
  
"Potter, you won't be *my* hero," Draco snapped. He grabbed for his wand in his pocket and shoved up his sleeve, wincing at the sting of his abrupt actions. He touched his wand to each wound and whispered a few words. He stopped bleeding. "You happy now Potter," Draco spat as he awkwardly fell backwards a step. Harry stepped forward towards Draco. "No, stay back, I'm okay." Draco stood there trying to get his balance. "Potter, don't tell anyone about this." There was a pleading note in Draco's voice.  
  
"How could I keep this to myself? You *need* help."  
  
"Potter, my father cannot know. It is imperative he does *not* find out."  
  
Harry's face held a bewildered expression. "Malfoy, he is the first person that should know. He's your father."  
  
"No." Draco looked drained. It occurred to Harry he might have lost too much blood already.  
  
"I think you've already lost too much. Look, we're running out of time and you're wasting it on arguing with me." Harry took Draco by the arm firmly. "Come on. You're sick and you need help. You can't deny that. On second thought you probably would."  
  
Draco tried to stand his ground and look menacing. Harry tugged on his arm, the uncut one, and Draco stumbled backwards onto the ground in an attempt to stay put. That was it for Draco's self-control and the tears took over. He just let it fall free. Harry stood there dumbfounded, not knowing what to do. *He cries. He is crying. It's Malfoy and he's balling like a little girl who's lost her dolly. Malfoy.* All Draco kept saying over and over is my father cannot know. My father cannot know. Then Draco went quiet. Harry realized he had passed out.  
  
~*.*~  
  
Draco opened his eyes to see scarlet and gold covers surrounding his wan body. He thought about finding Harry and screaming at him but he really didn't feel like it yet. He looked around the room. It was empty. No bloody Gryffindors lurking about. He sat up against the mahogany headboard. He looked down and tugged his shirt forward. It was a plain grey undershirt that must've been Harry's. Half of Draco was irritated someone, probably 'Potter' changed him, the other half was thankful he wasn't in damp and bloodied clothing and 'Potter' was considerate enough not to dress him in Gryffindor colors. He looked at his arm. He really went at it yesterday. Almost the entire thing was mutilated. A chill went down his spine and he pulled the covers up, reveling in the warmth they provided. They smelled good. Actually they smelled like Potter, not that Potter smelled bad. Just then Harry walked in carrying a tray of food.  
  
"Good, I was hoping you were up. I brought you some food." Harry put the tray down on Draco's legs and sat down beside him. Draco stared at the food and the looked up to stared at Harry. "I didn't poison it. I just knew you'd sleep through breakfast."  
  
"So you brought me breakfast in bed. your bed. How romantic. I bet you're a heartbreaker, Potter," Draco said lacking his usual nasty tone. He sighed. "I guess all the Gryffindors know I'm here." Draco was nauseous at the thought.  
  
"Actually no. I knew that could get back to your father, and it seems important all this doesn't. Just Ron, Hermione, and Seamus know."  
  
"Seamus?"  
  
"Yeah well someone had to confess to setting off dung bombs in our dormitory."  
  
"Ugh. Will he tell anyone?"  
  
"Probably Dean, but other than that no one, and Dean won't tell. Besides I didn't want anyone else to know I was smuggling you up to my bed. This isn't good for me either. Slytherin's in my bed. You in my bed. And you should eat. You don't look like you have been.  
  
Draco took a small bite of scrambled egg. "Why did you do this? I'm your enemy."  
  
"No, actually I'm yours. Voldemort is mine. You're just annoying."  
  
"Well I hope I'm more than annoying. I work hard to get you in trouble."  
  
"Sorry no, just annoying. And why *do* you work so hard to piss me off? I mean how long did it take to make those "Potter stinks" buttons? That was lame. And what about all those interviews to Rita Skeeter? You'd think you'd be sick of hearing about me, nonetheless talking about me. Or what about that time you were telling me you'd be hunting Sirius down if you were me. What was all that about? Honestly, you're worse than Collin Creevy."  
  
Draco's cheeks were flushed with embarrassment. "Yeah, well, I didn't really see like that at the time," he muttered softly. He nibbled at his bacon.  
  
"Actually, I thought you'd be throwing a fit well before now."  
  
"I thought about it." Harry laughed. "I don't feel like it," Draco finished.  
  
Harry pulled his legs up on to the bed, sitting with them crossed and watched Draco eat in silence. When Draco was done he set the tray on the nightstand and laid back down on his side, covers wrapped around him. His eyes were closed and just as Harry thought he was asleep again Draco spoke in a hushed frail voice. "Harry?"  
  
"Yeah," Harry answered.  
  
"I don't hate you."  
  
"I don't hate you either."  
  
"I wanted to be your friend."  
  
"All you had to do was apologize."  
  
It was quiet for awhile and Harry got up to go. Draco sat up and grabbed his hand. Harry stopped. "Don't leave. I don't want to be alone." Draco pulled Harry into the bed and under the covers.  
  
Harry lay across from Draco looking at him. He looked so different from the day he first met him in Madam Malkin's Robe Shop. He wasn't much taller but he had filled out. He was thin, too thin, and his normally white- as-snow skin, was dulled like a grey sky. He looked tired. His spirit was broke and now he seemed to be clinging to Harry for help and support. How did Harry get himself into these situations? Hermione was right. He was too goddamned nosey. Harry wanted to turn Draco away. It was Malfoy after all, like Ron said. When Draco was over this he would be the same and go back to insults. But Harry wasn't like that. Even Malfoy needs a second chance. Some people need three sometimes. Besides, even Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin got along enough to make Hogwarts. Draco interrupted Harry's thought process.  
  
"Harry?"  
  
"Huh."  
  
"Two things," Draco said carefully.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Harry blinked in surprise. He didn't think those words were even in Draco's vocabulary. "You're sorry?"  
  
Draco blushed. "Yeah I am. Don't get me wrong Potter. I'm still a heartless bastard and all. I'm just really out of it right now. But I'm sorry. You know. for everything."  
  
Harry couldn't believe it. *Was this a trick? His father was in Voldemort's inner circle. Maybe this was a plot to capture him. But he already saw Malfoy's poor acting skills when he faked his Hippogriff wound. Draco just seemed so sincere, if that was even possible. He was really sick. He hadn't bothered asking what was wrong. He figured Draco never tell him that. And he didn't think Draco was a deatheater. No, actually he knew he wasn't he had checked for the mark last yesterday, when he had changed him. Holy Cricket, Malfoy's sorry.*  
  
"Well I think you owe Hermione and Ron an apology, but as far as I go, um, its okay I guess. That's all you had to say." Harry paused for a second. "Wait, you said two things right? What the other thing?"  
  
Draco smiled meekly. "Are you cold? Because I'm freaking freezing."  
  
Harry laughed and touched Draco's forehead with backside of his hand. "No, actually I'm not. Your forehead's warm. Let me feel your stomach."  
  
Draco lifted his shirt. "Why do you want to feel my stomach?"  
  
"Because normally stomachs aren't blazing hot like yours. It means you have a fever." Harry noticed how Draco jumped when he touched his stomach and that he was shivering. "Come here. We'll use body heat to get you warm."  
  
"Okay. I'm trusting you Potter, because I know I'd be the one to start the funny business," Draco said with a smirk as they moved together. Harry spooned Draco's lithe frame.  
  
"See that's the Draco I know," Harry said lightheartedly as he put his arms around Draco.  
  
"Wait. Potter," Draco said uneasily as he pulled away from Harry.  
  
"What"  
  
"There something you should know." Suddenly Draco got a dizzy spell.  
  
"You can tell me later Draco." Harry pulled Draco back to his body. "For now just rest." Draco didn't argue.  
  
"You won't leave right? Please don't leave."  
  
"I might need to talk to Hermione about your fever."  
  
"I don't want to be alone. Please Harry," Draco pleaded.  
  
"You said my name." Draco looked at him. "I'll stay. Now rest."  
  
"You sound like Madam Pomfrey," Draco said pulling Harry's arms tighter to him.  
  
"I should. I spend enough time in the hospital wing. Now rest."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Draco. Rest."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Draco," Harry said in a warning tone.  
  
"Okay, I just wanted to say thanks." After that the two fell asleep. Harry holding Draco and Draco clinging to Harry, and somehow as each fell asleep they knew this felt oddly right. It was the happiest Draco had genuinely been, in a long time.  
  
I Met Your Mercy by Remy Shand  
  
Do you love me or do you hate? It's only when you would look at me that way (out of my mind) I've been hangin' round here for much too long (here on my own) When I feel that tremble deep inside I know my troubles just begun  
  
*I met your mercy When you turned me on I try to think twice about the bad times Oh I try to think twice about the bad times*  
  
I thought that chorus suited how they would feel - trying to think twice about the bad times.  
  
Peace and please leave a review. Love it? Hate it? Think I suck. Don't care. Let me know. I thrive on that stuff. 


	8. Sirius and Homosexual Bashing

To Eat Death or Not to Eat Death? That is the Question. (A tale of three boys' Rite of Passage)  
  
Pen Name: PhoenixTear Email: PhoenixTear2003@yahoo.com Category: Romance Rating: R Disclaimer: Don't know, Don't own, Don't imply. Contains Slash. Pairing: Lucius/Severus Snape and Harry/Draco  
  
Chapter 5: Sirius and Homosexual Bashing  
  
Lucius tapped his fingers on his knee. He peered out his window for a moment. Not finding what he was looking for he crossed his legs and started picking at his nails. The door to his compartment opened. He snapped his head up expectantly. Crabbe and Goyle towered in the narrow doorway. Lucius sighed and uncrossed his legs.  
  
"What do you two goons want," Lucius asked irritated.  
  
Crabbe and Goyle took this as a sign to come in and sit down. "Can you believe it's time to go back to Hogwarts already," Goyle said excited.  
  
Crabbe answered. "I know! Brand-new firsties to scare and bully." Both laughed at the thought, delighted by the idea. "Oooh and another feast. I love Hogwarts food. It never runs out."  
  
Lucius stopped searching out the window to turn and glare at them both. "It certainly must be a feat for those house elves, considering both of you pigs are eating." They found it funny and cracked up again.  
  
Lucius's upper lip twitched in annoyance. "What did you two smoke? I had to put up with your high arses all fucking summer. You are not smuggling narcotics into Hogwarts are you?  
  
"We didn't smoke anything today, Lucius. I swear," Goyle answered. Crabbe burst out laughing again. Goyle attempted to keep a straight face but failed and joined Crabbe's hysteria.  
  
Lucius stood up, angered. "I do not have the mind for either of you today. Get out of my cabin and out my sight, you drugged morons." Lucius shoved them out the door yelling, and didn't stop until a voice from behind froze him in his place.  
  
"What has your panties in a twist, Lucius?"  
  
Lucius turned around slowly. He took in Severus's appearance. The summer had done him some good. He didn't look sickly anymore. Still pale as a ghost but somehow held a glow. His frame was slender but his shoulders and arms had filled out and he was taller still. Not that Lucius was. He hadn't grown since second year. Severus had his hair trimmed. It fell right past his shoulders and was still blacker than midnight in the forbidden forest. It was freshly washed. Lucius could tell. It didn't appear as greasy, just near the top. And Severus was dressed in tailored black pants and a snug fitting black T-shirt that accentuated his toned arms and a snake tattoo that hadn't been there before. It took Lucius a moment to snap out of his daze and realize it was his turn to speak.  
  
"Sevvy! I wasn't sure you still remember me. I thought you'd forget me over the summer," Lucius joked although that had been what he was afraid of.  
  
"Forget you! Ha! Like I could forget your tantrums and big ideas." Just then a tall boy that looked very similar to Severus, but with shorter hair shoved him.  
  
"Hey there, Snape. Stop blocking the hall with your ugly arse. I see you've finally managed to wash your hair a week ago, from the looks of it. It isn't nearly as greasy as usual."  
  
Severus sighed. "And I had thought I had escaped idiots coming to Hogwarts, but I had forgot about *you* Sirius."  
  
"Oh yes, Snape, because *you're* such the genius."  
  
"I'm a lot smarter than you. How close was it last year that you fail?" Sirius grabbed Severus by the shirt and threw him up against the wall. Severus just let him. "I didn't know you wanted me Black. Are you going to kiss me passionately now? You fucking QUEER," Severus spat in his face.  
  
"Why I ought a.I swear you open your ugly mouth again." James Potter interrupted grabbing Sirius by the shoulder and pulling him away, releasing Severus from the wall.  
  
"Come on Sirius. Don't get in trouble before we get there. You'll have plenty of time for that. Besides I found Remus. Come on," the raven- haired boy coaxed. Sirius turned around and started leaving. Severus brushed himself off and turned to call after them.  
  
"Everyone knows you're fucking Lupin! You aren't fooling anyone pansy- ass!" It was Lucius's turn to guide his friend away. He led him into the cabin and shut the door after grabbing Severus's bag with robes.  
  
"What a way to start the year," Severus started.  
  
"Yeah, with Sirius and homosexual bashing," Lucius finished, offense apparent in his voice.  
  
"What is your problem," Severus asked as he sat down. "First you were screaming at those two goons of yours and now you have an attitude with me," he snapped smugly.  
  
Lucius sat there staring at his best friend. The first real best friend he ever really had. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd still have a best friend if he knew the truth. Over the summer Lucius had a fling with one of the sons of his father's associates. What would Severus think of that? Lucius tried to hide his emotions like he was taught to. All summer Lucius had anticipated see Severus again and this is how it turned out. Lucius turned away as tears welled in his eyes.  
  
Severus sighed heavily. "Geez Lucius, a fit already. Fine, be that way. Don't talk to me."  
  
Lucius spoke up. "What is your deal with homosexuals?"  
  
"What's yours," Severus snapped. "It's wrong. It disgusts me. Why are you having issues all of a sudden? What did you suddenly turn queer on me or something, or are you just picking a fight?"  
  
Lucius turned his body back around towards Severus. A tear ran down his cheek and he was shaking. "You know Sevvy, for someone who's supposed to be such a genius, you sure are stupid."  
  
Severus stared at him, expression blank, thoughts running wild in his head. "What the hell do you mean by that," his tone lacked the anger that had been there previously.  
  
Lucius shook his head. "What? Do I have to spell it out for you? I guess I really am going to lose my fucking best friend." More tears ran down his pale face.  
  
Severus's eyes darted out the window and back to Lucius's tear streaked face. "What are you talking about? You are not going to lose my friendship."  
  
Lucius was quiet before he spoke. "What if I told you I was bi- sexual? I would then, wouldn't I?" Then Lucius let the tears fall and left Severus to watch. When Lucius was done breaking, he wiped his eyes bravely. "I always cry around you." Lucius stood up. "You know what I'm kicking you out of my cabin too. Get out." Lucius pointed to the door. "Get out," Lucius's voice rose. Severus stood up.  
  
"Lucius," Severus said softy towering over him.  
  
"OUT," Lucius screamed and attempted to use force to get him out, but Severus wrapped his arms around the smaller boy in a protective embrace.  
  
"Lucius. Lucius," Severus murmured. Lucius gave up beating on Severus and rested his head on the other boy's chest and cried. "Shhh. I'm sorry Lucius. I'm sorry. I'm still your best friend. Shhh."  
  
They sat down and Severus held Lucius and smoothed his hair until Lucius fell asleep worn out from their row. Severus watched him sleep peacefully, head on his chest, arm wrapped around his waist. He didn't care if Lucius was bi. Lucius was different. Lucius was special. Not special because he was perfect. Everyone knew that. No, Lucius was special in a different way. He could be what ever he chose and he made you feel that way too. He made you feel special, not something Severus was used to. He hated the fact he had made Lucius cry and want to hide from him. He was disgusted with himself, not with Lucius, because somewhere he thought he already knew about Lucius. When the train stopped Severus woke Lucius.  
  
"Lucius. Lucius, wake up. We're here," Severus whispered in his ear.  
  
"Hmmm," was all Lucius said opening his eyes. He didn't move.  
  
"I'm sorry Lucius."  
  
"It's alright." Lucius looked up at him. "I was just afraid you were going to hate me."  
  
"I could never hate you," Severus replied honestly. There was a knock at the door tell them they were there. Both got up stretched and put on robes. Just before opening the door to leave they hugged.  
  
~*.*~  
  
That night after the feast Lucius climbed into Severus's bed after the rest of the boys settled down and fell asleep. Severus said nothing and moved over to make room for Lucius, falling into their old routine of éclairs and pumpkin juice that Lucius always smuggled.  
  
"So when did you realize you liked boys," Severus asked taking another éclair.  
  
"Well actually it wasn't a matter of realizing I liked boys, it was a matter of realizing liking boys was strange if you're one yourself," Lucius said tearing another bit off his éclair and putting it in his mouth. "Hmm, let's see. I was six. Yes, I was six when I was having lessons with this other boy who was ten and when we were done I leaned over and kissed him. He was dreadful good looking. It was as plain a day for me to do it. He punched me in the nose and called me a pouf. He threw a fit and our tutor separated us and told my father. That night my father wouldn't even look at me, said I was a disgrace. He locked me in the dungeon. After spending the night down there my mother got me and explained why what I did was wrong. It seemed so stupid to me. I kissed girls, why couldn't I want to kiss boys too. I guess I never really got what she meant back then. Actually, I still don't."  
  
"Wow, I never looked at it like that," Severus said and reached for the jug of pumpkin juice. "Have you ever had a boyfriend? I already know about your crazy girlfriends."  
  
Lucius snorted. "Yeah. Two. You wouldn't believe who my first one was."  
  
"Really? Who?"  
  
"You know how I got kicked out of my dormitory? Yeah, well it wasn't just his girlfriend who wanted me."  
  
"You screwed him!" Severus almost choked on his food.  
  
"No, you moron. I haven't *screwed* anyone. Everyone just thinks I'm a whore. You know better. Anyway, no, I was dating him. When we almost got caught making out he started punching me making it look like a fight and claimed it was over his girlfriend, who *did* want me as well. I made a comment at the time about a threesome sarcastically and then he really *did* start pummeling me. After that it was so bad between us I got my dad to get me moved. Of course I knew the fifth-years had the most room."  
  
"Who was your second boyfriend?"  
  
"Some guy this summer," Lucius said casually. "He looked a lot like you," and popped the last of his éclair in his mouth. Severus almost choked again.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I just said he looked a lot like you. I just realized that now is all. Geez, Sevvy, chill out."  
  
"Oh right. Sorry. It sounded.well never mind."  
  
"It sounded what," Lucius questioned with a smirk.  
  
"Nothing. Never mind."  
  
"What Sevvy?"  
  
"It's stupid. I'm stupid. Let's just forget it okay," Severus said exasperated.  
  
"Okay," Lucius sang overly innocent. Lucius picked up the empty bag and jug.  
  
"Goodnight Lucius," Severus said.  
  
"Night. Oh and Sevvy?"  
  
"What?"  
  
Lucius leaned in close to Severus's ear. "You were thinking right. I did pick that guy because he reminded me of you. Take a guess who I like." Lucius pulled back and shut the curtain. "Goodnight Sevvy." Severus could hear Lucius climb in to bed. Severus didn't sleep that night. 


	9. Interlude: You're gay I'm bi Let's shag

To Eat Death or Not to Eat Death? That is the Question. (A tale of three boys' Rite of Passage)  
  
Pen Name: PhoenixTear  
  
Email: PhoenixTear2003@yahoo.com  
  
Category: Romance/Humor (Slash)  
  
Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, don't imply.  
  
Pairing: Lucius/Severus Snape and Harry/Draco  
  
Interlude: You're bi. I'm gay. Let's shag.  
  
Harry woke up to the sound of someone knocking on the door. His eyes shuttered open to see Draco Malfoy wrapped in his arms breathing softly. Harry mused when Draco looked like this it was hard to imagine him sneering and easier to see him crying. Harry looked up to see Ron standing in the room looking dumbfounded.  
  
"Harry!"  
  
Harry quickly shushed him and motioned him over as he untangled his limbs carefully from Draco's, careful not to disturb him. "Shhh. Don't wake him."  
  
"Harry," Ron repeated, expression still twisted in confusion. "I thought you were only bringing him food."  
  
Harry pointed to the empty tray and dishes. "I did. Nothing happened, Ron. Geez." Harry ran a hand through his even-more-so-than-usual messed hair. "He, uh. He didn't want to be alone," Harry said as his eyes lifted from the sleeping Draco to Ron's face.  
  
Ron raised an eyebrow. "He didn't want to be alone? He wanted to be with you? Harry. He *really* is sick."  
  
Harry nodded. "See I told you. He made me *promise* not to leave." Ron's eyes widened in disbelief. "And you know what? He apologized." Ron was quiet due to the fact he was letting it sink in. A moment of silence passed between them as they watched Draco's chest lift and fall in rhythm. "He looks so innocent when he sleeps."  
  
Ron nodded solemnly. Even he couldn't deny that the boy that raised his fists so many times didn't look as though he belonged to some other heavenly place while sunlight streaked through the platinum strands. "Almost angelic. Harry you aren't," Ron trailed off.  
  
Harry rolled his eyes. "I aren't what Ron? You aren't going to insist that I'm developing a soft spot for Malfoy are you," Harry asked defensively.  
  
Ron smiled. "Actually I was going to say, you aren't falling in love are you?"  
  
Harry snorted. His face was in total surprise. Both the boys were too involved to notice Draco waking up from their voices, not to mention the lack of heat coming from a certain body. "Falling in love! Ron! Has your cheese completely slipped off your cracker?"  
  
Ron shushed Harry mockingly. "Shhh. You don't want to wake him. He looks so innocent," he teased. "Harry everyone in Gryffindor knows about your fondness to talk about boys."  
  
Harry put his hands on his hips. "Come on. Everyone knows I'm only joking. I only do that because I'm the stupid boy-who-fucking-lived and I have to be perfect all the damn time."  
  
Ron smiled Harry was so predictable sometimes. He knew he'd give that argument. "Okay true. But what about in our third year when you kissed me?"  
  
Harry blushed defeated and embarrassed. "So I'm bisexual. That doesn't mean I'm going fall in love with Malfoy. Have you forgotten what he's *like*?"  
  
"No I haven't. Have you?" With that Ron left leaving Harry still in disbelief and alone in the room with 'him'."  
  
Harry sighed and shook his head as he sat down on the end of his bed. He glanced at Malfoy and returned to his original state. He quickly snapped his head back realizing Draco was awake and sitting up looking like his usual, healthy self.  
  
Draco's arms were crossed. "What? Sorry, you DID wake me and I guess I'm not looking so innocent anymore. So you're gay, Potter."  
  
Harry let himself fall backward onto the bed frustrated. "Back to Potter now I see. I'm *not* gay, not that its any of *your* business."  
  
Draco raised an eyebrow. "I heard everything, Potter. I heard about you kissing Weasley."  
  
Harry turned his head and glared at Draco. "That doesn't make me GAY. I'm bisexual. I suppose you have a problem with that."  
  
"Perhaps I do."  
  
Harry rolled his eyes. "You're obviously feeling better so get out of my room." He turned his head away from Draco still lying on his back.  
  
Draco's brow furled. This was not the effect he intended. He wasn't trying to get kicked out. He thought a bit. "What's so wrong about loving me anyway?"  
  
Harry looked back to Draco. "Is that what you're on about?"  
  
Draco swallowed stuck his nose in the air a bit. "I suppose you find it unfathomable for anyone to love ME."  
  
Harry was annoyed. "Draco I accepted your apology. I've been taking care of you. I don't hate you. Get off it already."  
  
Draco uncrossed his arms and looked at Harry. "But you were disgusted at the idea."  
  
"Draco I wasn't disgusted. Honestly. Do you want me to love you or something? Go. To. Your. Dorm."  
  
"I'm gay."  
  
Harry sat up. "That came from nowhere. You're gay?"  
  
Draco shifted uncomfortably. "It's hot now." He scrambled out from underneath Harry's blankets and sat closer to Harry.  
  
Harry watched Draco amused. "You're strange. At least you're feeling better." Draco kissed Harry suddenly. "What the fuck," Harry said after Draco pulled away.  
  
Draco shrugged. "Your bi. I'm gay. Let's shag."  
  
Harry didn't have time to argue before Draco attacked him again.  
  
**Notes**  
  
This is dedicated to Korin because I told her I was going to update and I didn't. Plus she's the bestest Lucius ever. ::hugs Korin:: Without whom there'd be so many less shagging scenes at Hog-warts. (An ezboard. http://pub13.ezboard.com/bhogwarts37750 if you wanna see.) 


	10. Lavender Suds & Pink Lips

To Eat Death or Not to Eat Death? That is the Question. (A tale of three boys' Rite of Passage)  
  
Pen Name: PhoenixTear  
  
Email: PhoenixTear2003@yahoo.com  
  
Category: Romance/Humor (Slash)  
  
Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, don't imply.  
  
Pairing: Lucius/Severus Snape and Harry/Draco  
  
Chapter 6: Lavender Suds and Pink lips  
  
Severus decided to get up early. It was three thirty in the morning. He couldn't sleep and he couldn't think so he decided to go take a bath so Sirius Black couldn't make any comments that day. He slid out of bed and gathered his things, particularly quiet so not to wake Lucius. He wasn't ready to face him just yet. Although he didn't see how he'd ever be ready. He glanced at the curtains to check for any movement. None. Mission complished, bisexual best friend with armed crush on you - status: dead asleep.  
  
Severus climbed the stairs to the common room, checking to see if anyone was still lurking. He damned the stone floor for being so cold as he padded to the portrait to the prefect's bathroom. Somehow he managed to get the password during the feast.  
  
"Basilisk," he whispered. He climbed through the small opening that served as a shortcut. He dropped down to his feet on the other side, thankful the floor was heated. He walked over and turned on the tap. Purple suds and lavender scent flooded the giant tub. Severus quickly disrobed and lowered himself into the warm water. A chill caused him to shake and the contrast of cold that resided in his skin to the heat of the water. Nothing felt as good a warm bath. He sank lower so that the water covered his shoulders, the tips of his black hair wet in the process.  
  
He closed his eyes and relaxed. It wasn't long until Lucius replaced the back of his eyes and his warm breath and words replaced the silence. "Guess who I like" repeated over in his mind. The scene had replayed in his mind so many times he was beginning to doubt it actually happened. What he didn't doubt though was the effect of Lucius's voice so soft, and his body so close. The, ahem, effects weren't natural. Somehow the combination his best friend bestowed upon him aroused him. A few times over the summer Lucius had entered his dreams in the same fashion and the conclusion was quiet a bit different. Severus felt himself begin to harden. He thought of the first thing to deter the affect - Sirius.  
  
Severus opened his eyes and dipped his head back to the water wetting his hair. He threw some water on his face and continued with the process of washing his hair. He wasn't in the mood for Sirius taunting, being his *favorite* outlet of anger. Severus still didn't understand why it had to be him to become the emotional outlet of a punching bag. Nonetheless he'd deal what else could he do. He had *no* plans however to join Sirius in the queer ranks. No thank you, even if other parts of him were protesting.  
  
He continued wash himself oblivious to Lucius who the entire time had been sitting in a darkened corner wrapped in a towel. He had the same idea of escaping thoughts of the other to find that instead he had ended up with him any way. Currently he had been devising a way to sneak out with being caught. He knew he should've let his presence known. Actually at first he thought Severus came looking for him. He hadn't been able to stand the sounds of his best friend tossing and turning, fighting with the emerald sheets in attempts to forget him. So he had left finding the bath to be the only place to wallowing in his embarrassment, stupidity, and shame. When he realized that Severus didn't come looking for him and had actually come escaping him, he was about to tell him when the older boy started to undress. Lucius couldn't help but stay quiet long enough to enjoy his lean body that Lucius so desperately wanted among other things. Of course by then it was too late and his appearance would only enlighten him as a pervert peeking at his best friend. And so he was back to plots of escape only to come up with sitting in a damp cloth for the next hour with sopping hair or confess to his perviness. Neither idea appealed to him. He decided to go for it while Severus was under the water, his butt hurt and he needed to get rid of his clothes before Severus discovered them.  
  
Lucius got up and made a dash for his bed clothing near the edge of the tub. Lucius snatched them and ran for the portrait. His foot slipped on a pool of soapy water on the floor and sent him flying in the air landing on his back, his clothes scattering around him and in the tub.  
  
Severus came up under the water to find a shirt in place of air. He pulled it off of his head to see Lucius flat on his back lying on the bathroom floor naked. Lucius's eyes were tightly shut and he was mumbling something about a 'great get away' as the pale boy began to rub the back of his head. The mix of emotions that included surprise and fear landed Severus in laughter. Lucius opened his eyes at the sound and began laughing too. The release of tension felt good.  
  
"What were you doing," Severus asked when both had calmed down. Lucius was now sitting on the edge his legs in the water with his green towel wrapped around his waist once again and was smiling.  
  
"I was actually in here first. I took a bath and was finishing up when you came in. I was TRYING to sneak out but slipped."  
  
Severus shook his head laughing once again. "You could've just told me. You didn't have to hide."  
  
Lucius was quiet trying to forget he had been watching Severus. "I didn't think you'd want to see me."  
  
Severus looked at the younger boy. *He's grown up so much. How is that possible?* He took in the curves of Lucius body, the lines of his chest, and the way the light played on his downcast eyes. Everything was how it was portrayed in his dreams. Severus cleared his throat and spoke even though he rather drown himself in his bath water.  
  
"We're best friends, remember? So knock it off."  
  
Lucius looked up a little more hopeful and a little bit disappointment tugged at his heart strings. "So you don't care then."  
  
"I care. I don't want to hurt you and I find that impossible no matter what."  
  
Lucius looked Severus squared in the eyes. Severus still recalls how childlike Lucius looked. "You couldn't hurt me if you'd be with me."  
  
It was more of a question to Severus than a statement and it lingered in the air between them. Their gaze was unbreakable, Lucius raw and pleading, Severus hesitant and uncertain. Severus knew he couldn't look away or it'd hurt Lucius. He knew he could actually say the words or it'd hurt him too. He needed away to break the situation. Severus reached up towards Lucius and pulled him into the water. Lucius came up laughing and cursing him. His plan worked perfect. That is until it went quiet and he felt Lucius's tender pink lips against his. 


	11. The Broken Wand, Melodramatics, and Mr M...

To Eat Death or Not to Eat Death? That is the Question. (A tale of three boys' Rite of Passage)  
  
Pen Name: PhoenixTear  
  
Email: PhoenixTear2003@yahoo.com  
  
Category: Romance/Humor (Slash)  
  
Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, don't imply.  
  
Pairing: Lucius/Severus Snape and Harry/Draco  
  
Interlude: Just Harry and Just Harry's Rules  
  
Harry couldn't believe the end of the term was here. He had the most amazing year with the one person he hadn't expected it from. Next year was their final year. One to go. Then it'd be all over. He'd go on his way and Harry was to go on his. That is what Harry wanted. Harry made the rules.  
  
How many nights had they made love? How many days did they stay locked away together somewhere in the castle? Didn't matter though. They were different. too different. It'd never work. Harry wasn't gay. Just bi, and not even that much. He didn't want to be stuck with a guy all his life. He wanted some chance of normalcy. Not to mention in year Draco would be a deatheater and Harry would be fighting against him. In a year. One to go.  
  
Harry closed his eyes and lean back against the statue of a gargoyle. He thought about how pleading Draco's voice was every time after they were finished. "I love you. I love you. I love you," he'd repeat over and over, desperate for something from Harry. Sure Harry loved Draco - and he told him so. But for Draco every night it was different. Harry could tell Draco was pleading for Harry to change the rules. Harry didn't though. He'd just hold Draco, tell him he loved him and they'd fall asleep together. Now Harry wasn't sure how this summer was going to be knowing he'd have to wait three months to lay in the comfort of Draco's arms. Funny, how Draco had been the one who only wanted to shag in the beginning. Harry had forced him to stick with him and shape it into their now fucked up relationship.  
  
Harry surveyed the ground below him. He had flown wildly on his Firebolt in attempts to clear his mind. Tired of flying and mind victorious in the battle, Harry settled himself high on a gargoyle facing the Forbidden Forest. Heights always helped Harry think. Somehow the likeness of sky and wind help him feel freer. It was a fine spring day, actually one of the few without rain. The sun was beginning to set and the sky was becoming a blaze of orange highlights with clouds rolling in. The sight reaffirmed Harry's faith in heavenly intervention and all things good. Once it awhile he needed that with Voldemort always lurking, threatening his existence.  
  
"I'm just a kid. I'm just Harry," he said weakly to himself. He thought about how those were his words to Hagrid the night he'd been told he was a wizard. "Just Harry." Voldemort was back and to Harry, maybe for good. Next year he was graduating and everyone expected him to defeat Voldemort by then. Which was one of the reasons for his rules.  
  
People were dying and it was up to Harry to defeat one of the great wizards of all time, and maybe the greatest. Dumbledore was old and crazier than ever. He used to be aloof and quirky. Now with the war in full swing and age catching up he was just making crazy, impossible plots, and when they ended there was Harry to finish the King Deatheater himself. Everyone had faith he'd do it again and again.  
  
"I've just been lucky. My lucks running out." Time after time he defeated Voldemort and each time luck had been on his side. Hermione did the thinking, Ron had the common sense and bravery, and Harry was the bait. He hated the fact that by being his friend or boyfriend he endangered people's lives. "I should have just died."  
  
Harry sighed. Sometimes he couldn't help but be tragic. Ron always said he had no right to be as normal as he is. Harry saw the logic in that. Harry looked at the sky. It was so beautiful. Harry loved this time of day. It came from growing up in a muggle world. Dusk made the world around you feel magical and like anything is possible. Well now Harry had magic and everything wasn't possible. *That's a depressing thought.* Harry decided muggles have it better not knowing. A raindrop fell on Harry's nose. He smiled and wiped it off. It seemed as though he was even depressing the clouds tonight.  
  
~*.*~  
  
Chapter 7: The Broken Wand, Melodramatics, and Mr. Malfoy  
  
"This going to be great Sevvy," Lucius said excitedly as he stretched like a cat. He was sleepy still as he walked over to a mirror. "Argh. Look at what shagging you all night does to my skin. I look dead." Lucius ran his hands through hair in attempts to fix it. He took in his appearance. A seventeen-year-old wearing gray sweatpants that hung dangerously on his hips, body completely morning-after-sex drenched stood in the mirror. He smiled at himself seeing his sliver eyes reflect the happiness he felt. So long he had waited. Last night was everything and more. Severus was in no state of mind to pay attention to Lucius's rambling about his appearance. He simply rolled over in the bed and pulled the covers over his head grumbling about morning light being outlawed.  
  
"I can't believe this flat is all yours. I can't believe you let me come here. I can't believe you shagged me finally." Severus's eyes suddenly snapped open under the blankets. "You're so grumpy in the morning. I don't know how that's possible after last night. I'll go fix us breakfast. or at least I'll try. Never cooked before." Lucius wandered off to find the kitchen.  
  
*Shag. Last night. Shag. Oh good lord what have I done?* Severus pulled his legs up into his chest and started to smack his head with his fists. *After all these years I've avoided this. Now! Now after all this time?*  
  
It was two years since Severus had last been to Hogwarts. He was nineteen and grown up. He had promised to keep in touch with Lucius but rarely did it. He did however show up for the younger boy's graduation. How couldn't he after so many pleading letters, both nice and threatening if he didn't.  
  
Severus made a decent living. He had his actual job working in a potions lab as a researcher, but that didn't pay enough to even rent a flat, minus anything else including food. One of his co-workers caught him muttering obscenities over a check when they first tipped him off to the black market. Severus hadn't planned on going in that direction until his landlord gave him two weeks for three months back rent. Desperate, he tried his luck in a life of criminal potion making. Turns out with his knowledge of illegal potions and ability he could make more than enough money. Severus was doing quite well on his own. He ignored the fact it wasn't exactly honest. He just made the potion. It wasn't bad unless you *knew* they were going to harm someone with it, and that wasn't any his business. That's what he told himself or tried to at least.  
  
Severus tried to remember last night. *Last night. Last night. Graduation, Dumbledore, party, alcohol, Sirius, fight, pub, more alcohol. then what?* Severus threw the covers off of him and sat up. He quickly yanked the covers over him realizing he was naked and squeaked. "Then what? How'd that little bugger get back here," he whispered to himself in disbelief. Severus found his boxers and Tee shirt on the floor and yanked them on, hopping as he put on the boxers. He ran to the kitchen and skidded across the floor as he stopped.  
  
Lucius was panicked. A loud noise was going off and pans were hissing and splashing of control. Toast was burning as well as a teapot boiling over. Lucius kept turning from disaster to disaster and shrieking as he pulled his hands away from threatening grease or boiling water to cover his ears. He turned to the frying pan. "No, no, no, no, no. Please stop that!" He attempted to pick up the pan. "Okay! Perhaps not. You're still a bit angry."  
  
Severus didn't know whether to laugh or yell at the sight. Lucius looked so hopeless and was trying so hard. "Where's your wand, you bloody moron," Severus barked at Lucius, who jumped at the sound too busy with his chaos to notice the entrance. Lucius turned to face Severus, face blank. "Well bloody use the damn thing to put this out! You're going to burn the place at this rate!" Lucius looked sheepishly from side to side and pulled his sweatpants up that were threaten to reveal too much flesh. "Your wand Lucius!" Severus ran out of the room and got his. He returned to the scene and flish and flicked a whole lot. Suddenly the mess halted and the kitchen was quiet. Lucius just stood there shirtless and in a pair of Severus sweatpants, adding to the condemning evidence that they slept together. "Where the hell is your *wand* Lucius," Severus asked once more.  
  
"Ummm," Lucius dragged out, face reddening. Severus face didn't look as though he appreciated Lucius's lack of articulation. "Last night... you, uh, broke it."  
  
Severus raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me. I broke your wand?"  
  
Lucius put what remained of his breakfast on plates to advert his eyes from Severus. "Yeah. You know."  
  
"No. I really don't know," Severus said, tone unchanging.  
  
Lucius spread butter on burnt toast. "You broke it using it on me. You know *last night,*" he hinted.  
  
Severus brow furled in confusion. "Using your wand on you. How. why would I use *your* wand on you?"  
  
Lucius brought over the two plates and set them on the kitchen table. "Sit," he commanded as he returned back over to the kitchenette for the tea and orange juice. Severus sat. "Oh well last night you said that you didn't want your wand in my ass." Severus sunk in his chair suddenly understanding. He folded his arms and buried his face in them on the table. "You shouldn't do that. You'll get hair in the food. Don't worry about it. I'll get a new wand," Lucius reassured. "You need to eat. You don't look like you've had a proper meal all year. Eat the toast at least."  
  
Severus lifted his head. "New wand? You idiot. I don't *remember* last night. I don't *need* burnt toast. I *need* a hangunder potion. I need you to disappear. I need none of this to have EVER happened. I didn't shag you. Understand?" Severus knew he was being harsh but at the moment he didn't care. He apparently just slept with his best friend from school, which in his opinion WAS not a good thing.  
  
Lucius stopped chewing his dry dippy egg and swallowed. "Understand? Completely. I completely fucking understand you now." Lucius got up and headed for the bedroom. He dug around on the floor and in the covers collecting his clothing.  
  
Severus reluctantly followed him into the room. "You aren't going to tell anyone about this are you?" Severus had his arms crossed and was leaning against the frame of the bedroom door.  
  
Lucius stripped himself of Severus's pants and threw them at him. "There you can have your pants back THAT YOU GAVE TO ME. Oh. That's right. YOU DON'T REMEMBER. Fucking homophobe asshole." Severus could hardly believe Lucius was yelling at him completely naked or that he started crying completely naked. "I guess you HAVE to be DRUNK to tell someone you LOVE them. I hate you. I HATE YOU!" Lucius was successful in putting on his boxers before he sank onto the bed and cried.  
  
Severus didn't know what to. He couldn't have said he loved Lucius. *Love? Lucius?* The two words didn't fit together. Sure, he loved Lucius. But LOVING Lucius was an entirely different matter. He didn't really feel like consoling the sobbing Malfoy but knew he better if he wanted to remain somewhat normal. Severus started to move towards Lucius when a chime went off, meaning someone was at the door. Both damning and grateful for the distraction Severus left the room. Lucius threw a pillow in anger at the door where Severus had been standing. "Stop being so damn melodramatic," Severus called to Lucius, who was more enraged.  
  
Severus opened the door in his underclothes to find Mr. Malfoy standing in front of him. "Mr. Malfoy, was I expecting you today," Severus asked as calmly as he could. The senior Malfoy let himself into the flat. He was an older gentleman in his early fifties and was still quite attractive. He was also a spitting image of Lucius, same white hair and same gray-sliver eyes. Severus tried to remain calm. He had one of the more dangerous men of the Wizard World in his flat and he had just shagged his son. Of course to make the situation worse his son was crying in his very bedroom claiming a broken heart. Severus held his breath hoping this disaster would soon be over.  
  
"Severus, my young man. The, ahem, potion. You said it'd be ready this morning." Mr. Malfoy walked about the entrance hall to the kitchen. "Better at potions than cooking? I should send you a house elf. Perhaps if this potions goes over well." Mr. Malfoy was not an intimidating man, just one of respect. Severus never felt comfortable around him knowing how he beat Lucius in his drunken rages, although conversation was always quite easy with him.  
  
"Ah. Right. The potion. I'll go get it." Severus turned around to find Lucius frozen in the hallway, face tear stained.  
  
"Lucius," Mr. Malfoy said uncertain. "Lucius what are you doing here?"  
  
Lucius's gaze drifted to his father to Severus. "Why his he here Sevvy? Are you working for him? You are, aren't you? Oh fucking great. You'll go to Azkaban. Father you can't use him."  
  
"He's a fine potion maker Lucius. I'll use whom I please. Why aren't you dressed? Have you been crying? Severus explain this."  
  
Severus knew he was stuck between a rock and hard place at the moment. "I'll just be getting that potion. He spent the night. Stubbed his toe while he was dressing, I think. Be right back." Severus ran as fast as he could without slamming into something. He danced between which vial was correct before grabbed one and ran out and handed it over. "There you are Mr. Malfoy. I'm sure it'll fit your needs. I'll make sure Lucius gets back tonight. Had a bit too much to drink. I'm sure you understand." Severus hoped he was convincing and held his breath waiting for Mr. Malfoy's reaction.  
  
He seemed to think it over. He glanced at his son who was remaining perfectly quiet, too quiet. Luckily thought he didn't call them on the actual situation. "Come here boy," he called to Lucius. Lucius obeyed and came to his father. Mr. Malfoy took Lucius face in his hands and peered into his eyes. "You've been doing drugs haven't you. Tsk, tsk. I told you not to listen to Crabbe and Goyle. When you come home be prepared to spend a week in the dungeons for rehabilitation. No son of mine is going to be a junkie. Consider yourself lucky. I won't tell your mother about this." He let go of Lucius's face Harshly. "You're the pathetic one of the bunch. Always trouble, little runt. You should be more like you're brothers." He turned to Severus next. "I understand you were trying to help him by hiding him. Not worry though, this does not effect our business ventures. Next time, don't bother though." Mr. Malfoy lifted the vial in thanks and turned to leave, closing the door behind him.  
  
Both boys let go of their breaths. Lucius didn't say anything and slid down a wall of the hallway sitting on the floor. Severus stood calming his nerves before going out to the kitchen and making two cups of tea. He came back and handed one to Lucius and sat down in front of him. "Well that was certainly interesting," Severus said in efforts to break the silence between them.  
  
Lucius didn't drink his tea. He simply held the cup in his hands enjoying the warmth. He lifted his eyes from the cup to Severus. "I'm joining the deatheaters." 


	12. Blood and Goodbye

To Eat Death or Not to Eat Death? That is the Question. (A tale of three boys' Rite of Passage)  
  
Pen Name: PhoenixTear  
  
Email: PhoenixTear2003@yahoo.com  
  
Category: Romance/Humor (Slash)  
  
Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, don't imply.  
  
Pairing: Lucius/Severus Snape and Harry/Draco  
  
Interlude: Blood and Goodbye  
  
Draco paced in the middle of the quidditich field. Darkness surrounded him on all sides as his own constellation loomed above his head. Draco found it ironic that the Harry told him to meet him here on the field where it all began. He sat down in the place he formerly mocked the school population for being unaware of what really goes on. He rolled up his sleeve. Thin sliver lines patterned his arm. He rarely paid attention to them now. He pulled down the black material of his Jumper and opened his palm instead. There it was, the one possession he treasured more than anything in the world. He traced the thin scar. It was comforting to have it there. It was more comforting to know Harry held the same one. It wouldn't be comforting when they'd have to kill each other. Shedding the blood of the same person you shared it with. Maybe the old tradition of blood brothers was silly to most people but it was a bond. A tighter bond then one would think. But then again they did share other fluids as well.  
  
Draco chuckled at this thought. Somehow it wore away the truth of it all. It made him forget why he was really sitting on this bloody field. Everything was crashing down on him. He could feel it coming closer with every step Harry took, every breath he breathed, every second that wore time away. School was over and so were they. One final night together before they took their paths. Neither one had mentioned the "rules" all year. Draco tried to hold this as meaning they didn't matter. Instead he felt as if it scarified them. If Harry would've been someone else or Draco had been someone else, it wouldn't be this way. Draco wished he never had wanted to fuck Harry Potter in the first place. What had it brought him? *My life. Living. Maybe Happiness when I didn't have to think about this. Not to mention a good shag.* Bells sounded from a tower - Midnight. Draco could hear familiar footsteps behind him and he wished he didn't. "Right on time, Potter."  
  
Harry didn't sit when he reached Draco. He hesitated for a moment gathering strength. Draco thought he heard him test his voice, but it came out clear and strong. "Stand up Draco. You're going to make me be the one to do this. I'm not doing it sitting." Draco was surprised at the chill on Harry's voice and stood.  
  
"Harry," he tried.  
  
"Draco shut up. Don't try to do that to me. Look we both knew and *agreed* to the rules. We're over."  
  
Draco laughed. "Wow, Potter you didn't even use *its. *" Harry didn't say anything. "I guess that's what we meant though. Not *its* over but *we're* over," Draco said with a smirk. "I've got to hand it do you, you did it a cold as you could. I'm impressed. See you on the battlefield. I wonder which of us will die." Draco walked away and left Harry in his previous position. Standing on the Quidditich field with his constellation hanging over Harry. He hoped he thought of him whenever he saw it. He hoped it hurt. He hoped he'd be the one to die and not Harry.  
  
~*.*~  
  
"Harry stop pacing already. You're wearing treads in the rug," Ron said grabbing a hold of his best friend. Harry's face was white and worry hung in his brow. "Calm yourself and stop pacing. Its making me dizzy watching you." Harry kissed Ron full on the lips. "Harry I told you already. I'm *not* sleeping with you so he can catch it and break up with you."  
  
Harry put his head on Ron's shoulder and sighed. "This is all your fault Ron. You should've just kissed me back in the third year. We would've had this fantastic romance. and I'd still hate Draco Malfoy. I wouldn't have thrown up after dinner. I wouldn't have this fucking scar on my hand. Why do I have to so many meaningful scars?" Harry sighed again. "I don't know how I'm going to do this. I love him and now I have to do this. Stupid Malfoy. Stupid Voldemort. You should've kissed me Ron."  
  
"Harry maybe you don't have to," Ron offered.  
  
"Ron you *supported* me when I made the rules."  
  
"Yeah, well I didn't know Draco then."  
  
Harry began to pace again. "Ron. Oh Merlin. Ron, I don't need you to be saying this *now.* Have you forgotten he's going to be a deatheater? Have you forgotten I going to die in a few months? Have you forgotten Lucius? Ron I have to walk out there in twenty minutes and tell him I never want to see him again. Please. I don't need anymore doubts. Plus he's probably going to try to sleep with me and if I give in then I might as well not even tell him or go."  
  
Ron grabbed Harry by the shoulders. "Stop pacing *now.* And you are *not* going to die." Ron looked at his frantic raven-haired friend. "What do you mean if you sleep with him? Aren't you two going to spend your last night together?"  
  
Harry looked at Ron like he was crazy. "*No.* Ron you don't understand what it'll be like." Harry dropped down onto the scarlet couch by the fire and stared into the orange flames. "He'll say he loves me and it'll be impossible to leave him. I'm not that strong. I'm going have to be cold. I have to make him angry."  
  
"Are you sure it has to be like that," Ron asked unsure. Harry nodded.  
  
~*.*~  
  
The air was damp and the grass was wet from an earlier shower that day. All the clouds had disappeared and the stars shone brightly above him. His breath caught in his throat as he neared the field. Draco stood with his back to Harry. Light of the moon hung in the sliver-white strands. If it weren't for his pale skin and hair Draco would have blended into the night. Harry already knew how the stars would reflect in those eyes.  
  
Harry took a step back. It'd be best not to even come. Harry stilled as he watched Draco sit down on the grass. This felt all too familiar his heart stopped when Draco rolled up his sleeve. It had taken months to sort out Draco's mutilation problem. The answer had been so unusual. Harry watched him careful expecting Draco to pull out a razor blade. Instead he rolled down the sleeve and opened his palm. Harry could see Draco trace a finger down what he knew was a scar across his hand. Harry brought up his hand and did the same. They were connected. Harry thought about that night. He closed his eyes remembering the awful sight.  
  
There Draco was hiding in a broom closet, blood and tears equally flowing. Harry pulled out the wide-eyed boy and pushed him into the nearest bathroom. Draco was worse that Harry ever saw him and he didn't know what to do anymore. He didn't say a word as he cleaned Draco and healed the slashes. He wiped the tears away and kissed the new ones. Next he took a hold of Draco's hand. He opened his clasped fingers and took the razor that Draco held so tightly. He knew Draco expected him to throw it away like so many times and lecture him. Harry held it and touched the sharp side of the blade. It was warm and a thin layer of blood dirtied it. Harry thought in was cruel that with some water the blade would be unmarked and yet it's work left so many marks. He pressed his fingertip to it and a pinpoint of blood oozed to the surface. Draco watched him curiously. Harry took the blade and put it to his other hand. Draco grabbed a hold of his wrist stopping him.  
  
"What are you doing," Draco asked fearful. Harry pulled Draco's hand off his wrist and kissed him tenderly as if to say trust me. He turned back to the blade and his palm. He drew diagonal line of crimson with the steel. Harry took Draco's hand and did the same. He interlaced his fingers with Draco's, their blood meeting and mixing, flowing into each other. "Why are you doing this," Draco asked.  
  
Harry looked at their hands. "No matter what I say, or do you won't stop hurting yourself. You don't understand that every time you're hurting me too. I'm more selfish than you think. I want you to stop so you'll be healthy sure. But I more so want you to stop because every time you bleed and I find you my heart bleeds. I know it sounds stupid." Draco opened his mouth to speak but Harry kissed it and then pulled back to place a finger over it with his other hand. "Shhh. Next time you hurt yourself remember that you're not the only one bleeding. I am too, and now my blood is mixed with yours."  
  
~*.*~  
  
Harry came back to the present. He remember how they made love there in the bathroom for the first time. He hadn't found Draco with a razor again either. He let his hand fall to his side. *If he stays with me then it'll only be worse.* The bells tolled as he reached Draco.  
  
"Right on time, Potter," Draco said. Harry then realized he wasn't the only one trying to be strong. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He was surprised when he did speak. *I have to be strong. I have to make him hate me.*  
  
~*.*~  
  
".I wonder which one of us will die." Harry watched Draco walk away until he disappeared. Harry laid down on the field. He watched the constellations rotate. He watched Draco the dragon. *I'll never be able to forget him. The heavens will always be there." Tears rolled down his cheek as sleep settled in. 


End file.
